My name is ADionne and I am a "Dream Pusher" who loves helping people discover their purpose in life and hidden potentials. Also I love exploring life and the world, learning and doing new things keeps me excited about the future. Please take a look around and if something inspires or encourages you, please comment and share. Remember you are never too old to pursue your dreams!
Real Man Struggle
I looked up the word man and this is one of the definitions I found:
Man: an adult male human being
: a man or boy who shows the qualities (such as strength and courage) that men are traditionally supposed to have
: a woman’s husband or boyfriend
So what exactly do they mean when they say “showing strength and courage that men traditionally have? What is the tradition? I mean who defines that?
I am the younger of two brothers and I have learned so much between the two of them. Their thoughts and views can be so different sometimes but the same at others. I have learned more from them than my father actually. And throughout my life the men I dated taught me a lot also. Therefore my findings and definition of a man are: A man is a male that is sure of who he is and what he wants. He makes a way to take care of his business and responsibilities to the best of his ability through whatever situation he might be in. He does not waver because of what others think of him or what his future life plans should be. He steps up to the plate to solve problems even when he doesn’t have all the answers.
In other words keeping his house in order, making sure bills are paid, spending quality time with his wife, woman or kids. If the distance is a problem like; living in another city, state, country or he’s incarcerated then he will make necessary alternative steps to bind such as consistent phone calls, letters, and visits.
When a man is faced with adversity his true character shines through he either buckles and run from problems or stand tall and work harder to solve the problem. Life is not always smooth but in those times of strong storms a mature man doesn’t step off on his family, wife, woman or kids. He finds a way to balance everything little by little. For example, if he’s out of work or has trouble finding a job a man will either create a job or work odd jobs until things are greater. They might not be able to pay the bills or financially take care of the family but they can spend more time with the kids, going to their activities they’re involved in. If they don’t live alone they can keep the house clean, cook or run errands.
Maybe even use some of their down time to volunteer at a community center, church, mentor program or help someone with their business. You might say why? What I’ve learned about a man is if they are a provider as God intended; then by nature, they need to feel like their making a difference somewhere to keep them from feeling worthless. Volunteering will allow them to be surrounded by people that appreciate them which will allow the man to keep his spirits lifted. Also through volunteering, he may make many connections possibly leading to a good job.
You might ask why have I put so much emphasis on how a man handles trails instead of a man in a well off state or wealthy state of being. Well, I have dated both sides of the fence and to me because of the economy today. I believe even some well-off, wealthy men need to be reminded of the true meanings of character and integrity. The truth of the matter is sometimes men can get to a certain level of status and lose their accountability as to the concerns of the simpler things in life. Some try to buy their way through every situation. They can forget that money is not the answer to everything. A man can be wealthy, look great in every way if you know what I mean! However, his character and integrity can make him such an ugly person. And those are things money can’t buy! People fell to realize you could have all the money, woman and material things and are the most miserable person inside and out in some cases. Just take a look at Hollywood and many male celebrities will prove this point.
Therefore I find it majorly important to talk about what a man is, from his core state of mind and being. Yes sure when you talk about a person’s character and integrity these things relate to a woman as well but we are looking at the man in this chapter. I will address the woman in another and don’t worry there will be no favoritism just because I’m a woman!
People have so many perceptions on what makes a man. They say if the dad has no part in raising a boy then he will have a problem facing manhood. I beg to differ; I believe it has to do with the person who raises the child character, spirit, integrity and beliefs. Simply because I have seen many occasions where the father was in the house and the boy would have probably been better off without his father’s presence.
Sorry to say but unfortunately all men aren’t good influences and role models for their kids or any others. But those same men were once boys in along the way someone dropped the ball on them. As a result, they don’t know where to begin the journey into fatherhood how could one know how to be what they never had or experienced. As they say, a woman can’t teach a boy how to be a man. But a woman can expose a boy to the things a man should do, how a man should treat a lady and his kids. She can show him and hold him accountable to the responsibilities of life, setting standards and priorities.
There are so many things a woman can instill in a boy throughout his growth to become a quality man full of great values. If you don’t believe me here’s a list of some men raised by a single mother:
President George Washington, President Andrew Jackson’s, President Barack Obama, Tupac Shakur, Kanye West, 50 Cent, Jay-Z, Notorious B.I.G., Sean Combs, Jet Lee, Bill Cosby, Samuel L. Jackson, Tom Cruise. Just to name a few the mothers of these famous men did something right. Although if you examine each one and apply what I said about the importance of integrity and charter some of these men might fall short. Then again so will some men raised by their father. The point is these men were raised by single mother and all in some way or another have made a big impact on life and on people.
When a man has become fully mature he realizes the importance of building a family with a woman of virtue (Proverbs 31). Unfortunately, that might not always mean your baby momma although this is the way it was intended in the Bible. The reality is some relationships weren’t meant to be even if there are kids involved. Men are better men within themselves and to their kids when they are in a healthy relationship with a supportive woman that motivates him to be the best man possible through bad times and good. As the saying goes behind every successful man is a great woman! I’ve heard President Barack Obama, Bill Clinton and Steve Harvey say they wouldn’t be half the man they are today without their wives.
I’m sure you are saying how can I put Steve Harvey with two presidents? For the simple fact of showing you the dynamics in the same results of these successful men giving credit to their wives for helping them to be better men. And to allow you to see Steve Harvey has 7 kids and is on his 3rd wife. In June 2007 he married his current wife, Marjorie Bridges, who he says is responsible for making him a better man and changing his life (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Harvey)
So as you see many times it takes a good woman to pull the best out of a man if they allow them to. Just think Steve Harvey was a successful comedian before his wife Marjorie. But if you take the time to really acknowledge not only the added success since his marriage to Marjorie but the humble spirited and disciplined man he has become as a result of a healthy relationship. Bottom-line if the woman you are dating or in a relationship with doesn’t make you want to be a better man than you might need to reevaluate why are you with her. A lot of men get caught up lusting over a woman because of looks and body and forget about the things that really matter to create a life-long healthy and beautiful partnership. This is why there are so many unsuccessful relationships and marriages. Too many chasing the superficial instead of the official and this goes for men and woman!
Think about it God made the woman to bear the child and toke her from the rib of a man. Which means technically he needs a woman to complete him. He made the woman to be the nurturer that’s why the woman can multitask so well. While the man was made to provide. I believe what God meant by a woman being the helper was to make sure that what a man provided was utilized and completed properly for the prosperity of their family and purpose.
Helper: a person or thing that helps or gives assistance, support, etc. to assist or aid (someone to do something), esp by sharing the work, cost, or burden of something:
I have been a single mom for 90% of my child’s life and he’s now almost out of high school. I have several male friends that have known me for years and have been there to cheer me up after my failed short-lived relationships or should I say dating terms. Recently I started dating and they all said the same thing “I hope he realizes what he has and looks past the beauty and body and sees the gain!” A couple of my past boyfriends from my younger years would check on me from time to time and recited the same phrase with a different order of wording. And I asked them why couldn’t you realize that very same thing when you had me? They would both go on to tell me in their own version how they weren’t mature enough to understand then but thanked me for the woman I was to them.
It’s sad to know that many men lose out as they say going after the 20% when they already have 80% or above. I had one of those same past boyfriends I talked about earlier tell me he needed four different women to make one of me. I really couldn’t make sense of that! All along I thought it was me and not to say I’m perfect nobodies’ perfect but the Lord. But to me, that’s too much wasted time and energy! I understand men have to go through their boyhood before reaching manhood. Except when a man gets to be in their mid to late 30s and 40s and you still trying to play the field and club every night with your boys instead of settling down and building a future with someone that’s overkill! As the Bible says “ When I was a boy I thought as a boy but when I became a man I put away childish things” People fell to realize the thing you can’t get back in life is time and you need to know that it is well spent.
Now let’s talk about the incarcerated men and ex-felonies. Sociality would have us to believe that men doing time are not worthy to be accepted back into society. As I type four men come to mind instantly that I personally know that served a lot of time for crimes they didn’t commit. While on the other hand, unfortunately, I know countless others who did commit crimes. Nevertheless, I can honestly say that 70% of the men I know that committed crimes are generally good people. Some of which have done more good than bad before they went to jail but just got caught up in the street life. Yet people prejudge them because of their past mistakes that cannot be reversed. The system makes it so hard on them after they complete their sentence that it almost seem like a set up for men to get discouraged and give up.
Some ex-felonies that I know told me that jail actually saved their lives because they were forced to look at life in another light. And after being incarcerated they learned how to appreciate even all the little things in life.
Sadly some ex-felonies get release and become stuck in the past trying to make up for the years they lost. Instead of focusing on the big life God has blessed them with ahead. I hear many of them repeat how much time they did as though they should be excused for re-enacting their past habits. Unfortunately, some family and friends can be a hindrance to the ex-felonies growth telling them they need to party and live a life free with no commitments to worry about. When in fact that is the very same actions that landing them in prison.
My belief is the more settled and committed a man is, the more responsible he’ll become. There are numerous men who came home and did a complete turnaround with their life and became a huge positive influence on many. But when you come back to the same surroundings and same people you were around when you left growth becomes a slow process. You as a person might have changed but if the people you left are still the same how can you begin to see the new heights God has for you? When you’re trying to live a new life it calls for making new friends, doing new things, going to new places and taking a new risk! While the friends you have are great our God is a God of change. Just like with the seasons in weather and we have to change our dress attire. He allows us to go through different storms to change our direction in life. The fact is our plans are not his plans and sometimes you have to accept the changes he puts in front of you even if it hurts in order to receive the blesses he’s trying to get to you. So try not to block your blessings sticking to your plans life doesn’t always go our way.
Just look at how many prisoners God used in the Bible some were lost without purpose and when God called them and told them their purpose and they settled and committed to it they were blessed and those around them were as well.
Take a look at the prisoners of the Bible and their journey and the next time you met someone who has been incarcerated you might not be so quick to judge. You never know what awesome purpose God might have planned to use them to bless your life or anyone else’s.
Paul was a murder of Christians and God used him to preach the gospel.
Jesus Christ, Joseph, Samson Hanani the Seer, Micaiah, Jeremiah, Jehoiachin, Peter, Paul.
Joseph (ca. 19th-Century B.C.) is Refined by Prison.
Samson (ca. 11th-Century B.C.) is Chastened in Prison.
Hanani the Seer (fl. 870 B.C.) Jailed for Truth-Telling.
Micaiah (fl. 852 B.C.) Speaks God’s Word, Although it Means Prison for Him.
Jeremiah (fl. 628-587 B.C.) is Sustained in Prison.
Jehoiachin (fl. 597 B.C.), Raised from Prison, Symbolizes Israel’s Restoration.
John the Baptist (d. ca. 29) Grows Despondent in Prison.
Jesus Christ (ca. B.C. 4 – A.D. 30) Preaches to Prisoners in the Afterworld.
Peter (d. ca. 67) Miraculously Escapes Prison.
Paul (d. ca. 67) Triumphs in Prison
ADionne – The Life Guard